Driving Neyah Angelique Curry, my 3-year-old granddaughter, to Augusta, Ga. to see her great-grandmother gave me plenty of time and reasons to reflect on an Associated Press’ observation that, “Blacks have a complicated love affair with the South.”

The AP is running a series of stories on what it means to be Southern. A story with a Birmingham, Ala. dateline, referring to Southern Blacks, noted: “Their ancestors were enslaved in the region for generations, then Jim Crow laws pushed them to the back of the bus. From inner-city slums to old plantation counties, being black too often still means a second-class existence.

“Yet, surveys show blacks who live in the South are more likely than any other racial or ethnic group – even whites – to identify themselves as Southerners. It’s a label millions claim with pride and affection, yet uneasiness.”

I was born and grew up in Tuscaloosa, Ala. and went to college in Tennessee and spent my childhood summers between Reform, Ala., my father’s hometown, and Johnson City, Tenn., where my Aunt Julia Mae Stuart Cousin and, later, the majority of my other uncles and aunts moved. Although I have spent my adult life outside the south, I still consider myself a Southerner.

I say that with a mixture of pride and discomfort. The extreme pride stems from the way we were reared, the interest others took in us as children, the extended community that protected us and a basic humanity characterized by good manners and kindness.

Neyah lives in Silver Spring, Md. and in some ways, I wish she could grow up in the South. Short of that, trips to see Great Grandma Brownlee in Augusta, her great aunts, great uncles and cousins in Johnson City, Tenn. and an occasional trip to Tuscaloosa will have to suffice.

In some respects, Black Southerners are like a family. We can fight among ourselves – and even criticize our region – but we don’t allow others that luxury. Even though those of my generation grew up in rigid segregation, we felt Southern Whites were no worse than northern Whites. In fact, they were better because they were more honest about their feelings toward African-Americans. Because the South was more honest in dealing with its problems, more racial progress has been made in the South than any other region.

I was so sheltered growing up in the South that I had no idea how bad life was in some northern cities. When I went to Knoxville College, my Up North friends would brag about their hometowns. It was only later that I realized that our townhouse-style housing project in Tuscaloosa was better than the deteriorated housing I saw Up North.

A Black Southerner’s defense of the region is usually different from White Southerners. Many Southern Whites are still fighting the Civil War, not realizing that not only is the war over, but they lost. Or, did they? It’s hard to tell when you look at Congress.

To be fair, many in the younger generations have lived in integrated neighborhoods and attended desegregated public schools. Their lives are considerably different from those of us who grew up in the 1950s and 1960s. They have been elected president of their student body, have a chance to be homecoming queen and are more likely to have friends from different races.

However, those of us that witnessed Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace standing in the schoolhouse door at the University of Alabama in a futile effort to maintain segregation, those of us who remember Bear Bryant’s all-White football teams at ‘Bama and those of us that marched in order to ride in the front of the bus or to get rid of humiliating ‘Colored’ water fountains have a difficult time cheering for Alabama –even when some of their athletic teams could pass for being on a Historically Black College.

We’re torn between welcoming the progress and not forgetting the pain of our past. To this day, I never pull for a University of Alabama team. In fact, I pull for them to lose. The pain is too much to ignore or to forget. Yet, the progress at ‘Bama is undeniable and they are to be applauded for it.

My Southern pride is still intact and Rev. Joseph Lowery, the civil rights icon, explained why.

“The changes that have taken place in the South came at the initiative and the insistence of Southern blacks,” he told the AP. “…It was Southern blacks who led the way.”

Papa Curry will have to explain how this happened when Neyah gets older.