When is it appropriate to use the n-word? The answer is another n-word — never. As we end another Black History Month, this is as good a time as any to not only declare that we won’t use the word, but that we will not tolerate others using it in our presence. How can we talk about Black pride while disrespecting ourselves? How can we demand respect from others, yet won’t extend respect to ourselves?

I know the arguments offered for allowing African-Americans to use the word: It is a term of endearment when we use it as opposed to when Whites utter it and by using the n-word, we take away the intended sting. Hogwash. Using offensive words don’t miraculously make them any less offensive.

This is beyond warped reasoning. This is insane. And you don’t see other groups denigrating themselves in an effort to remove the hurt from hurtful words.

Growing up in Alabama, I heard the n-word more times than I can count. But of all the times I was called that word, the time I remember most vividly occurred when I was an adult. I was working in the 1970s as a reporter at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. The incident occurred when I had gone to a laundry mat and a young White kid called me a you-know-what.

I smiled and said calmly, “Yes, I am a (you-know-what). But I’ll tell you something else: Your daddy is also a (you-know-what). If you don’t believe me, go ask you mother.” Evidently, the kid did just that because the look his mother gave me could have killed a dead man again. I laughed all the way home. I am sure that to this day, that kid has never called another Black person a you-know-what.

Except to flip the script, as I did with that White kid, I don’t believe we should ever use the term.

It’s almost impossible to listen to rap music for 10 minutes without hearing n-word this or n-word that. To illustrate how misguided this is, think about the uproar that was caused when Jennifer Lopez uttered the n-word in her song, “I’m Real.” Yet, P. Diddy, Busta Rhymes, Ja Rule and even Spike Lee can use the word and few people call them on it. It was reported that P. Diddy, in a concert in San Jose, Calif., led a predominantly White audience in chanting “(Screw) You Nigga.”

Because a rap artist uses the n-word, is it all right for others to use offensive terms? Says who? Who anointed them to speak for us? Where does this end?

In his hip hop newsletter, Davy D says: “Isn’t it ironic that artist like Puffy and Ja Rule can go to white owned mediums like Hot 97 [a radio station in New York] or MTV and use the ‘N’ word without any sort of penalty. If they go on those same mediums and call someone a kike, fag or chink, they would come under fire.

“It’s amazing these white owned mediums will listen to ignorant Black artists who say the ‘N’ word is cool. The meaning of it has changed and it’s now a part of street culture. This same medium won’t listen to the larger Black community when they demand equal access and more uplifting programming and more positive presentation.”

Yes, MTV, BET and record labels can be blamed. But so can the artists. And so can those who buy the CDs with offending lyrics. If you are offended by the language, don’t buy the music. Every CD you or your child purchase containing such language, in essence, says it’s okay disrespect our people.

Use of the n-word is only part of the problem. Many of our youth in particular freely use words that approximate female dogs and garden tools to refer to our women. I’m not talking about just rap artists. I am talking about our children, the kids who live next door and the teenagers who sit next to you on the train or bus. No one makes us use words that belittle our women. If we belittle our women, why shouldn’t others interpret that as being a green light to follow in our footsteps?

The next time one of our youngsters use the b-word, we should remind him or her that whomever they are referring to has relatives who care about them. How would they feel if those terms were applied to their mother, sister, aunt, girlfriend or wife? If you don’t like that idea, then don’t refer to someone else’s relatives in that manner.

I like Professor Mike Dyson’s test on when we should use the n-word.

“It’s the same one as the one for the b-word,” he explains. “Go home and call your mama one — you’ll understand if it was appropriate once you pick your (butt) off the ground. The same goes for ‘nigger.’”